Teaching Kids to Be Kind and Inclusive: Lessons from the Past and movies like Anjali
The Rising Concern of Loneliness and Exclusion
One of the growing concerns among parents, teachers, and psychologists today is the increase in loneliness among teenagers. According to a report from Cigna, nearly half of teens in the U.S. report feeling lonely, and this sense of disconnection has worsened with the decline in face-to-face interactions and increased screen time (Cigna Report).
Exclusionary practices—like cliques and peer groups shutting others out—only amplify these feelings of isolation. Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist, highlights how critical social belonging is during adolescence: “Being shut out of social circles can be devastating, leading to anxiety, depression, and a reduced sense of self-worth” (Learning and the Brain). The mental health impact of exclusion cannot be understated, as adolescents who feel disconnected often struggle to navigate the challenges of their rapidly changing social landscape.
The False Sense of Security in Fixed Social Circles
Parents of children who are currently part of established social circles may feel reassured, thinking their kids are protected from the pain of exclusion. However, this sense of security can be misleading. Social dynamics among kids are constantly shifting, and even well-connected children can find themselves on the outside if conflicts arise or friend groups change.
Having moved frequently, I’ve personally experienced how hard it can be to break into these established circles. As the “new kid on the block,” I’ve seen firsthand how few people made an effort to include someone new. It didn’t matter if the environment was welcoming on the surface; true inclusivity was often lacking, and the loneliness of feeling unwelcome could be profoundly isolating.
Many parents take a permissive approach, turning a blind eye to their child’s rude or exclusionary behavior. A mother shared in Psychology Today how she dismissed her daughter’s habit of excluding classmates, thinking, “Why should I bother? She has her friends, and she’s happy.” It wasn’t until her daughter was excluded from her own friend group that the mother realized the harm in her earlier attitude. “She was devastated, and it opened my eyes to the importance of teaching empathy and kindness from the start,” she admitted (Psychology Today).
Another father shared how he overlooked his son’s unkind behavior on the soccer field, assuming it didn’t matter because his son was popular. However, when his son was later ostracized by his friends, the father regretted not addressing his behavior earlier. “We had to work on building his confidence and teaching him to make new connections, which would have been easier if he had always practiced being inclusive,” he reflected.
The Power of One Inclusive Child
It only takes one child to be inclusive to spark a ripple effect of kindness. Research and anecdotal evidence support this idea: when one child goes out of their way to include someone who is feeling left out, it often inspires others to do the same. This "kindness experiment" has shown that inclusivity can be contagious. A single act of reaching out—such as inviting a classmate to join a game or sitting with someone who is alone—can transform the social dynamics of a group, creating a more welcoming and supportive environment for everyone.
A teacher once shared how one of her students, Jack, made a point to include a shy new student in classroom activities. “At first, Jack was the only one making an effort,” the teacher explained. “But soon, other kids began to follow his lead, and it completely changed the classroom atmosphere.” This story demonstrates that even one child, with a simple act of kindness, can spread inclusivity and make a significant impact on their peers.
Lessons from Ancient Inclusive Structures
Looking back at ancient societies, we see that inclusivity was often essential for survival and community well-being. These societies offer valuable lessons for parents today:
Tribal and Village Communities: In many ancient tribes, everyone had a role, and inclusion was a necessity. Shared responsibilities, rituals, and storytelling fostered a sense of unity, teaching children the importance of belonging and collaboration. Exclusion was rare because the well-being of the community relied on mutual support.
Ancient Greek and Roman Schools: The concept of paideia in ancient Greece emphasized the moral and social education of children. Working together in sports and civic duties taught kids respect and cooperation. Despite the presence of hierarchies, there was a strong emphasis on building a community rooted in collaboration.
African Philosophy of Ubuntu: In many African cultures, the philosophy of “Ubuntu”—meaning “I am because we are”—promoted collective responsibility and inclusivity. Children were raised by the entire community, teaching them that their identity was tied to the well-being of others. This approach encouraged children to support one another and include everyone in daily activities.
Ancient Indian Gurukul System: The Gurukul system emphasized equality among students, regardless of background or status. Living and learning together, students shared responsibilities, which taught them the importance of inclusivity and teamwork. The sense of community was reinforced through shared experiences.
Traditional Japanese Values of Harmony: In traditional Japanese villages, the principle of wa (harmony) guided social interactions. Festivals, rice planting ceremonies, and community gatherings were inclusive events that fostered mutual respect and care. Children were taught to value harmony and avoid exclusion.
Inclusivity in Modern Stories: Anjali
The importance of teaching inclusivity is beautifully illustrated in the classic Indian film Anjali, directed by Mani Ratnam. Anjali tells the story of a young girl with developmental disabilities who is initially met with misunderstanding and exclusion from the neighborhood children. As the children slowly begin to include her in their games, led by the kindness of a few, the entire community transforms. The story highlights how even small gestures of inclusivity can change social dynamics, creating a more compassionate and understanding environment. The film serves as a reminder that inclusivity can heal divides and bring people together.
Courses to Teach Kindness and Inclusion
For parents and educators looking to implement structured approaches to teaching kindness and inclusion, various programs and courses are available:
Random Acts of Kindness Foundation Programs
Age Range: PreK-12
Description: A free curriculum focusing on kindness, empathy, and social skills through interactive lessons.
Website: randomactsofkindness.org
Roots of Empathy
Age Range: Elementary School
Description: An evidence-based program bringing babies into classrooms to teach empathy and inclusivity.
Website: rootsofempathy.org
Second Step Social-Emotional Learning
Age Range: PreK-8
Description: A curriculum teaching empathy, emotion management, and conflict resolution.
Website: secondstep.org
Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley: Kindness and Compassion Courses
Age Range: All Ages
Description: Online courses for parents and educators on teaching kindness and empathy.
Website: ggsc.berkeley.edu
MindUP Program by The Goldie Hawn Foundation
Age Range: PreK-8
Description: A mindfulness-based curriculum promoting empathy, self-awareness, and inclusivity.
Website: mindup.org
Learning for Justice (Formerly Teaching Tolerance)
Age Range: K-12
Description: Free resources on diversity, equity, and inclusion, including lesson plans and activities.
Website: learningforjustice.org
Positive Discipline Program
Age Range: PreK-12
Description: A program focused on non-punitive methods to build empathy and cooperation among children.
Website: positivediscipline.com
The Kindness Curriculum by the Center for Healthy Minds
Age Range: PreK-K
Description: A free curriculum teaching mindfulness, kindness, and emotional regulation.
Website: centerhealthyminds.org
Applying Ancient and Modern Lessons Today
These courses, along with ancient wisdom and stories like Anjali, teach us that inclusivity has always been key to a thriving community. By organizing family or community activities and leveraging structured programs, parents and educators can help children understand and practice kindness and inclusivity.
Preparing Children for Changing Social Dynamics
Parents who proactively address rude or exclusionary behavior are setting their children up for success in a world where social circles
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